


I'll be there for you (because you're there for me too)

by t_hens



Series: projects for people [6]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comfort, Dan's family - Freeform, Established Relationship, M/M, Paris - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 04:24:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20669282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: '“Didn’t you say that you wanted to spend more time enjoying your life and not working so hard, Phil?”“That is true,” he says a bit weakly.'or Phil joins Dan on his family holiday in Paris





	I'll be there for you (because you're there for me too)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TortiTabby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/gifts).

> I'm so sorry this took so long Chelsea! I hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> beta by [fourthingsandawizard](http://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com)
> 
> to see information about getting a fic written for you, you can see [this post](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/183710958541/commissions-are-open)

Dan is still standing in front of his closet when Phil gets out of the shower. He’d been stood there when Phil got in, just staring at the same twenty or so shirts, as if by glaring at them enough, new ones will appear. He doesn’t turn his head when Phil walks in and drops his towel(s) on the floor, just stays in the same position; shoulders slumped and anxiety coming off of him in waves.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asks, walking forward and standing beside Dan as he pulls on a pair of pants.

“Can’t figure out what to wear.” His voice has the whiny tinge to it he gets when he’s stressed, and it makes Phil’s own heart rate kick up a bit. 

“I thought you were gonna wear that black one,” he jokes, trying to lift the mood a bit.

It must work a little because Dan snorts and drops his head to his chest.

“I know it’s stupid, it’s just my family, but I wanna look nice.”

“I know.” Phil doesn’t _really_ know; he’s never had the same tumultuous relationship with his family that Dan has, but he knows Dan well enough to know what a big deal today is.

It will be the first family gathering since Dan came out. And it will be the first time Phil is joining as his boyfriend, rather than just his ‘best friend and roommate.’

“Are you sure you want me to go? I don’t mind staying back, I promise.”

Dan turns, and though Phil can still see the stress he’s holding in his eyes, he’s relieved when Dan rolls his eyes and bumps their shoulders together.

“You going is the only way I’m going to be able to make it through this; you are definitely coming.”

He doesn’t try to pretend that he doesn’t enjoy hearing this, and although he knows that it’s most likely a distraction method, he lets it slide. He presses a quick kiss to Dan’s temple and moves so he can finish getting dressed.

“Wear that one that’s, like, lacy and black that you wore to the fancy dinner when we finished tabinof.”

Dan turns away from the closet sharply and throws a faux glare. “Black and lacy? That is an Alexander McQueen and you know it, Phil.”

“It was nearly a £1,000, how could I forget?” he snorts, starting to button up his own shirt.

“Don’t sass me.”

“I’ll sass your mum.”

Phil’s done and seen a lot of beautiful things in his life, but seeing Dan give a genuine smile after he’s been upset or stressed will always be the most dazzling sight he’s ever seen.

-

_The venue is a bit over the top_, Phil thinks as they arrive. 

It’s a fancy garden with grand, white tents perched in the lawn. Phil can see the crowds of people milling in, grabbing their seats and talking. He doesn’t recognize most people aside from Dan’s immediate family and a random aunt and cousin from the Christmas cards they send every year.

Dan is practically vibrating beside him, and he thinks about placing a hand on his lower back, like he’s done countless times before, but he doesn’t. They hadn’t discussed what Dan would be comfortable with going forward when they were with his family. The idea that they were together was still new, or even unknown, to most people here.

Instead he bumps their shoulders together and gives Dan what he hopes is a reassuring smile. His answering smile is just bright enough that Phil thinks it might have worked.

-

They both calm a little once they’ve sat down at their table. It’s not the table with Dan’s Nan, who Phil’s knows he wants to see the most, but it’s close enough that Dan can lean back in his chair and talk to her.

It makes Phil happy in the same way he feels happy when Dan plays with a puppy, or coos at a friend's baby. There is nothing sarcastic and guarded with Dan when he’s with someone, or something, he loves, and Phil’s heart swells a bit with joy.

Karen captures their attention a little later and asks about their channels, and tries to seem like she understands when they answer. It’s obvious how hard she’s trying, and Phil hopes that Dan takes it as genuine interest and not guilt, though it is likely both. He answers all her questions and even smiles, and it makes Phil want to kiss him, but instead he just gives him a smile when Dan turns to say something to him.

-

The whole affair is long, and a bit stuffy, but Phil doesn’t mind much. He’d expected them to stay long enough to say their pleasantries and maybe get a slice of cake, but Dan had entered a conversation with his brother about their favorite vegan meals, and after that he’d spoken with his mum about some pianist they both enjoy. Phil mostly watches, smiling or answering when appropriate and doing his best to be the most gracious and respectful boyfriend he can, but otherwise he stays silent and just observes. 

Every now and then when Dan isn’t preoccupied, he’ll give Phil’s leg a squeeze, or shoot him a dimpled smile. Enough for Phil to know he’s okay.

-

“Phil, did Dan tell you about our trip to Paris next week? I hope you'll be joining us,” Karen says while the few of them still at the table, along with Dan’s Nan who had moved when the party had died down, were drinking tea and making small talk.

He’s taking a drink when she asks and almost chokes, because of course this would happen to him. Dan cuts in and gives her a smile that, to anyone else would look genuine, but Phil can recognize the way his shoulders tense as he presses his fingernails into the palm of his hand.

“Phil isn’t going to be able to come. He’s working on some stuff and wants to stay home so he can be productive.” He adds on a laugh and delivers the sentence in a voice that Phil has come to associate with things like VidCon or Playlist Live. It’s Dan, but Dan with a tighter smile that doesn’t ever really reach his eyes.

“Oh, tut,” his Nan says, taking her own delicate sip. “Surely you can put work away for a little bit.”

“It’s two weeks, Nan.” His smile isn’t quite as tight when he answers her. It’s real enough that there is a peak of dimple showing.

“Oh, hush,” she says, giving Dan her own dimpled smile. “Didn’t you say that you wanted to spend more time enjoying your life and not working so hard, Phil?”

He feels like a deer caught in the headlights. A low level of panic is pulsing through his veins, and he looks desperately at Dan. 

“That is true,” he says a bit weakly. He’d known that she watched Dan’s videos, but had no idea that she watched his, also. It makes him want to go back and private a million more videos that might offend the older woman in front of him.

When he turns to Dan, he is looking at him as if he’s a difficult math problem that he just can’t solve. It’s only after a beat of silence that Dan answers. “I suppose that’s true, Nan. He does need to get out more. Maybe get some color before he becomes completely see-through.” 

Phil gapes at him, surprised that he’s even considering it when he had assumed that it was already decided that he wasn’t coming with.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Phil replies after it’s obvious Dan isn’t going to protest to him coming. 

“Oh, it wouldn’t be any trouble,” Karen says, surprising Phil further. “We’d love you to join.”

The sentiment is echoed around the table, and Phil is powerless to do anything except nod and give a weak smile.

-

The cab ride home is a quiet affair. Phil is lost in his thoughts, going over the events of the night over and over again. Dan is staring out the window, his own thoughts probably swirling through his head. Phil wants to talk and ask Dan why he suddenly changed his mind, but it’s not a conversation he wants to have in the back seat of a cab that smells of B.O. and old cheese. 

Once they are safely in the confines of their apartment, Phil lets himself deflate and catches Dan’s arm before he has a chance to escape upstairs.

“What was that?” 

He’s thankful that Dan doesn’t try to play dumb and pretend that he doesn’t know what Phil is talking about, which is one of Dan’s top defense mechanisms. Instead, his own shoulders droop and he looks at Phil with remorseful brown eyes.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I should have asked if you were even okay with going before I said anything.”

He looks so sad and disappointed with himself that Phil goes on instinct and pulls their bodies together, holding Dan in a hug that is probably too tight, but Dan wraps his own arms around Phil and they stand in their entryway holding each other until they are both breathing a little easier.

“I’m not upset or anything, I was just caught off guard,” Phil says softly into the shoulder of Dan’s fancy shirt.

“I just got a bit caught up seeing you with my family, and everything was going so well. No one said anything too rude, and my Nan loves you so much. It was just nice to see.” 

Phil doesn’t pretend that this doesn’t make him cry a bit, but he does pull back as to not ruin Dan’s shirt. “If you want me to go, I would love to. I hate the idea of having to spend two weeks alone, anyway.”

“Yeah?” Dan asks, a smile slowly creeping back on his face.

“Yeah. Besides, I have to get on your family’s good side. I have a lot of ‘son in law’ time to make up for.”

It’s a risky joke that could easily have Dan upset or send him spiraling in guilt, but Phil is rewarded with a snort and a light shove from Dan. 

“Shut up, you dink.” He laughs and pulls Phil upstairs.

-

For the next few days, Phil spends most of his time packing and panicking. Mostly panicking, if he’s really honest with himself. He hadn’t been lying when he said that he wanted to go, but the idea of going and the act of going have divided themselves into two separate ideas in his mind and they are at war with each other. It makes him feel a bit crazy as he wanders around the flat trying to find specific socks or items of clothing, packing only a little at a time, afraid Dan might change his mind.

Karen had emailed Dan the information for Phil’s ticket and Dan had found both of their passports where they had been stuffed into the pocket of their luggage. It seemed like the trip was really happening, and Phil wasn’t sure if he was more anxious about it, or excited.

It was one thing to spend time with Dan’s family when it was an afternoon tea party in a fancy white tent for a few hours. Spending two entire weeks with them was going to be a lot more trying. Not that Phil didn’t like Dan’s family, because that wasn’t true, but he didn’t know them, either. There had only been a handful of occasions where Phil was with Dan when he saw his family, and not all of them were pleasant. He still remembers the way that Dan had cried when he and his father got into a shouting match in his dorm at Uni when Phil was sitting outside the door, wanting desperately to help Dan, but not knowing how.

-

“I found that shirt you were asking about,” Dan says a few nights before their departure as he climbs in beside Phil in bed. 

“Where was it?”

“It was in the packed boxes. I found it when I was looking for my grey hoodie.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with me coming?” 

Dan looks at him surprised, caught off guard by the question. “Of course I do.” He pauses for a second and then continues. “Are _you_ sure you want to go? You don’t have to.”

His voice turns quiet at the end of the sentence and it makes Phil’s chest tight.

“I do. We’ve just never spent a lot of time around your family, _together_, and I don’t know what the, like, rules are.”

“Rules?” Dan tilts his head to the side, confusion marring his features. 

“Like, can I hold your hand around them, and are kisses okay? Can I make dumb jokes about what a good boyfriend I am? Just stuff like that.”

He’s glad that Dan takes a moment to really think about his answer before saying anything. 

“Well,” he says after a while, “I think it will kinda be like we are with your family. Like, we don’t make out around them, but we hold hands sometimes and, like, cheek kisses and stuff.”

Phil nods. Those were boundaries he could handle. And maybe he should have known that and not freaked himself out, but his anxiety often outweighed his logic, and this time was no exception.

-

They spend the next few days trying to tie up any loose ends, or at least as well as they can. Dan had been the only one going when they’d made their schedule for his time away, so it’s a bit of a chore to spend the afternoon emailing and talking to various people on the phone, but when it’s done they both breathe a little easier. They have pizza when they are finished to celebrate, and it ends with them in bed, touching and kissing like it’s the first time they met.

Phil tries not to be selfish and hope this isn’t the last time they will be able to do this until they get home.

-

Paris is beautiful.

It’s not either of their first times there, but there is something different about the city and all that it can hold when neither he, nor Dan, are in the closet. They can laugh at the cheesy rainbow hats in the gift shop of the airport and they don’t have to worry about being overhead by a subscriber or Dan’s family. It’s a nice feeling that carries Phil out of the airport and into the city. 

-

Their hotel isn’t as fancy as it maybe would be if they were paying for it themselves, but neither of them mind. They aren’t so out of touch that they can’t stay at a hotel that isn’t five star. 

Thankfully, their room isn’t very close to Dan’s mum or his Nan. So when Phil pushes Dan back onto the bed after they’ve thrown their suitcases on the ground and shucked off their shoes, pulling his pants down to give him a rushed, messy, blowjob as Dan makes too loud noises, Phil doesn’t even feel that bad.

-

A little bit later they meet everyone in the lobby and follow to a restaurant nearby that Adrian recommends. Phil doesn’t have high hopes for the food from a restaurant that is probably mostly vegan food, but he follows dutifully along, not wanting to be a sore sport.

The food is better than he’d expected and he cleans his plate of the risotto that Adrian helps him order. They are on their third glasses of wine and the dishes have been taken when Nan leans forward a bit in her seat and trains her eyes on Dan.

“So, how long have you and Phil been together? I’m afraid you were a bit vague in your email and I’m going to need some more details.”

Maybe it’s the wine, but Phil full on snorts and then has to cover his face, absolutely mortified.

Dan laughs a little in response and gives his knee a light squeeze, under the table and out of view.

“Almost ten years or so?” he answers sheepishly, taking a quick sip of his wine.

Phil had been prepared for a laugh, or some sort of comical reaction to Dan’s answer, but neither come. Nan has a hand to her heart and sadness is etched into every line of her face. 

He looks away because he doesn’t want to see the same sadness that Dan’s own face carried for those ten years every time he thought about what his family would think of them if they knew.

Karen’s face shows almost nothing, but Phil can still see the way her eyes have become just a bit misty in the low light, and he looks away from her, too. 

“It’s fine,” Dan says, trying to downplay what is obviously becoming a moment for his family.

“How come you never told me?” Karen asks. The tears that Phil had thought he’d seen building are gone now. She looks like she is ready to take on a challenge, and Phil fleetingly thinks that maybe her body language and Dan’s own refusal to see past his own thoughts sometimes might be part of the reason Dan’s teenage years weren’t full of happy memories.

Dan shrugs and looks to Phil. They share eye contact, long enough that he can see that Dan isn’t overly upset, just mildly uncomfortable about sharing so much with others. The details of their relationship have always been something they've kept to themselves, tightly guarded to their chests. 

“I guess I didn’t really feel like I could.”

Everyone around the table takes a sharp breath and sits with bated breath as they wait for Karen’s response. Phil tries to avoid looking at her, and occupies himself with counting the number of crystals on the chandelier in the middle of the dining room.

“That’s fair,” she finally says. “But I hope that you know that you can talk to me now. I _want_ you to talk to me now. If you feel that you can, that is.”

Dan takes his own sharp breath and holds it for a second before releasing and nodding gently. “I’m gonna try.”

The waiter comes by and asks if they are ready for dessert, breaking the spell of the conversation. No one says anything else about it as they order fancy pastries and butcher the eloquence of the French language while doing so. 

It’s the kind of fun he never thought Dan would be able to have with his own family, and realizing it’s a reality makes Phil so happy he doesn’t bother hesitating before pressing a quick, but firm, kiss to Dan’s dimple. He flaps his hands at Phil to get away, but his cheeks are a pretty pink and his brother is complaining for them to get a room, and it almost feels like he’s home with his own family.

There will still be awkward moments, and difficult times, but there is hope growing in Phil’s heart as they exit the restaurant and watch as the sun sets over the Parisian skyline. He sees hope in Dan’s eyes, too, when they turn from the watercolor sky to smile at each other, and even though they are miles and miles away from their flat, Phil finds his home, and his family, reflected in those rich, brown eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find this fic on [tumblr](https://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/187764459721/ill-be-there-for-you-because-youre-there-for-me)


End file.
